Monday, October 31, 2005


malay paper was a-ok.
just a little here and there that i'm not sure off.

bleah. everyday my confusion grows.
sometimes i just feel like closing my ears and go
or maybe just scream.
i just seem to not tolerate it.
bleaeh. get on with it, people!
and i think again.
i dunno when i'll be satisfied.

hari raya is coming.
o' levels are coming.

Sunday, October 30, 2005


tomorrow is o'level mother tongue.
hopefully, do better this time around.

i need to find satisfaction in life.
okay, hopefully after the O's.
bye bye.

Friday, October 28, 2005

something real

buka puasa at yayi's place today.
i feel very full everytime i buka at rumah yayi.
like super duper to the max full.
today, me and my cousins tonggang terbalek on top of the bed.
after a very long time.
and azahar mistook my voice as lynn.

okay. my head's spinning.
okay, bedek ah.

live like it

i had a dream last night.
i have no idea what was it about.
one thing for sure, i remembered michelle branch - goodbye to you
was being played TWICE.

and i've been thinking, why this song?
i mean, goodbye?
maybe i've been thinking too much of this song, it pops up in my dream.
maybe, this song really mean something to me.
i can just listen to it over and over and over and over and over again.

i was asking mr. january questions.
because i couldn't sleep.
sleep is becoming my foe again.
those nights are back.
bleahh. i'm grateful that mr. january doesn't answer my questions.
sometimes maybe i just need those answers.

i walked home from central last night.
i think my first time in my whole 16 years of living in toa payoh.
it was like forever.
it was drizzling slightly.
bleahhhhh. god's almighty. HE knows how HIS people are feeling.
i wished it had rain but then i was lucky.
because there were thunder and lightning.
and once again those thunder and lightning came at the right moment.
when i was in my room.
okkkkkkkkkkkaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyy, whatever.

i need to meet my LYNN.
i miss her like a thousand little stupid whatevver.
thank you for cancelling your facial.
i love you lots lots.

Thursday, October 27, 2005


some things never change.
hafiza will never stop thinking, and thinking and thinking.

went shopping yesterday.
bought shoes and pants.
guess conquered the whole of town yesterday.
okay, not. LAME.

i think a whole week of barney & friends and sesame street makes me bonkers.
i can remember by heart the opening theme for barney.
fathin just did something very funny today.
i was having tuition, and she sat beside me.
took my calculator and thought it was a phone.
she said "helllo?! barneyy?"
my tutor said like teletubbies.

okay the monster is here and she's swinging her legs going..
"nak frog, bibik! nak frog!"

Tuesday, October 25, 2005


i rekindled my love with my first pair of heels.

brought back memories.
during hari raya, me and the girls going off from faisal's house.
so, he and his parents sent us to the door.
unfortunately, i was the last one to put on my shoes.
and his dad, mr. azzis, kacau-ed me.
saying "ni confirm kasut mahal nye! tgk tu!"

sheesh. i think that's like the most embarrassing moment of my life.
and of all fathers, faisal's.

i love life. i love LA. i love YOU. (:

Monday, October 24, 2005


similar in one way or another. hahaha. (:

Sunday, October 23, 2005


wise words of mohamad faisal
"everything has its limits."

and seriously, i've take everything by that line ever since he said that.
and obviously there's more to it to that line.
which is a waste of time to elaborate.
but, i've learnt my lesson that YES.
everything and everybody has its or his/her limits.

was reading an entry from one of the blogs i'm linked to.
i'm not being mean or something. or being a bitch.
which doesn't matter cause i've always been one to that person.
how the person's life is messy and all over the place.
when someone decides to confront that person and say how that person has irritated him or her.
like honestly, think about it.
who wouldn't be irritated if you keep babbling about your problems and it's eating up into that person you're babbling to sleeping time.
you wanna find comfort in people, yes you can.
but, you have to be considerate also.
that person has a life too, you know.
you have to think.

let's change the topic.
sometimes i feel like am a big burden.
burdening a particular someone's life.
and i dunno. and i dunno.

Friday, October 21, 2005


wise words of lynn
"iza without pai is vanilla coke without vanilla."

haha. then i remembered i and pai everytime if go 7-11, everytime buy big gulp vanilla coke.
basketball sakk.
how faisal?
vanilla coke, again?

it's there

Of all the things I've believed in
I just want to get it over with
Tears form behind my eyes
But I do not cry
Counting the days that pass me by

I've been searching deep down in my soul
Words that I'm hearing are starting to get old
It feels like I'm starting all over again
The last three years were just pretend
And I said,

Goodbye to you
Goodbye to everything that I knew
You were the one I loved
The one thing that I tried to hold on to
The one thing that I tried to hold on to

I still get lost in your eyes
And it seems that I can't live a day without you
Closing my eyes and you chase my thoughts away
To a place where I am blinded by the light
But it's not right

Goodbye to you
Goodbye to everything that I knew
You were the one I loved
The one thing that I tried to hold on to
The one thing that I tried to hold on to

And it hurts to want everything and nothing at the same time
I want what's yours and I want what's mine
I want you
But I'm not giving in this time

Goodbye to you
Goodbye to everything that I knew
You were the one I loved
The one thing that I tried to hold on to
The one thing that I tried to hold on to

And when the stars fall
I will lie awake
You're my shooting star

- Michelle Branch : Goodbye To You

Thursday, October 20, 2005


let's just get this straight.
and that includes fareehahahaha.
and i love andrea for agreeing that i'm cuter than haqima.

wise words of sharifah fadillah al-edrus.
"graduation is like hari raya. everybody starts apologizing to one another."
true eh. haha.

was talking to faisal on the phone last night.
and he told me what he talked about with haqimah.
haha. so passe but memorable.
laughed my arse off.

today was olevel science practical.
let's just say it's between chicken feed(super easy) and moderate.
got quarantine for 4hours.
like goddamit bored to the extreme.
slept for first half hour.
and couldn't sleep after that.
slacked our arse off.
brought my camera.
took stupid photos.
till the batteries went FLAT.
talked to miss shamsudin.
and yada yada yada.

i finally found someone whom closely resembles me in character.
only one person knows it.
i'm her alter ego.
let's just say i love her. eventhough i don't know her.
i think we have a connection, that's why.

is there any job that says "full-time thinker"?
i want that job. sure does pay alot.
getting a headache from all this thinking.

one and all.
i love all of you.

Wednesday, October 19, 2005

say it now

i have officially graduated from braddell-westlake secondary school.
will miss that freaking old yet warm school.
and all the people that made braddell-westlake whole. (:

i wanna upload all the photos.
but i'm freaking crap lazy.

i love my cousin!
it's irritating that she's taller than me.
but, i'm obviously cuter.

took a photo with sayanggggg.
hahaha. whoever sayang is.
he's very wealthy and lucky.
cause he has ALOT of sayangs.
be it with balls or without.
now, i really know who you are in the inside,sayang!
i love you la. hahahahaha.

took a photo with the awesome foursome.
namely me, faisal, fareehah and riduan.
when was the last time we actually crapped together?!
and riduan cried. and i hit my teeth on his neck while hugging him.
how glamourous.
wise words of riduan, "EEEEE, tak vouge!"

the girls. kicking and back in action.
haha. i wish i could show you people the photos.
but it's taking and incredibly long time to load.
haha. all puffy eyed with all the tears and all.
i still love them.
frenaodious? haha. retarded yet funky.

and for the person who is half of me.
and will always be half of me
i was afraid at first, but graduation day.
it was now or never.
afraid that you'll push me away.
but, you warmly welcome me in your tight embrace.
you asked me not to cry but.
i couldn't help it to cry.
i've been wanting to apologize since ages.
thank you for today.
thank you for making me smile.
thank you for hugging me.
thank you for holding my hand.
thank you for everything.
i know you are confused right now.
but, as i promised and i really do mean it.

am sorry to all those i didn't get to hug like pearlene and the all.
like sammie wong who ran away from me.
haha. you bugger.
but, i love all of you.


iftar with the 4e people was fantastic.
slacked at coffeebean&tealeaf : forum.
the whole sabrinah-yassir scene was beautiful.
like in a movie but only better.

feelings expressed.
crap, alot of crap came out from my mouth.
i blew it again, BIG TIME.

graduation in 7hours time.
it'll be great.
but sucky.

saw the power of love FILEM. touching sehh. big boys do cry.
the prower of love : production brought to you by the 4emelayuzz. (:

Monday, October 17, 2005


We're the best of friends
And we share our secrets
She knows everything that is on my mind
Lately somethings changed
As I lie awake in my bed
A voice here inside my head
Softly says

Why don't you kiss her
Why don't you tell her
Why don't you let her see
The feelings that you hide
Cuz she'll never know
If you never show
The way you feel inside

Oh im so afraid to make that first move
Just a touch and we
Could cross the line
And everytime she's near
I wanna never let her go
Confess to her what my heart knows
Hold her close

Why don't you kiss her
Why don't you tell her
Why don't you let her see
The feelings that you hide
Cuz she'll never know
If you never show
The way you feel inside

What would you say
I wonder would she just turn away
Or would she promise me
That she's here to stay
It hurts me to wait
I keep asking myself

- Jesse McCartney : Why Don't You Kiss Her? OST Kim Possbile : So The Drama

and i

did i tell you i got a new blazer? hahaha.
okay. i dunno whether i wasted my money.
or i didn't.

what i know is that. somebody stole my $50 yesterday.
irritating bugger(s)
and that money is for my outfit on farewell dinner.
thank your lucky stars i didn't curse you!

tomorrow breaking fast with 4e Malay class!
funky, it shall be.
about 15 of us.

wednesday is graduation day.
okay, yes.

have not been replying tags.
shall reply now.

The Saint : ya. surprisingly that's a quite a common phrase.

far : you and your typo error. dammit. should have checked. i wanna watch four brothers! haha.

PEARL.J : hey you. thankies. (: haha. good luck to for o's. whatever happens, happens.

ANDREA : haha. so, we're cool? yeahh.. friends. (:

qim : ye lahh. i'll link you up la. *bluek

Sunday, October 16, 2005


i am angry.
i am jealous.
though i have no right to.
i was irritated with the one you wanted to borrown money.
but, i didn't mind.
cause i still cared.
i wanna give you my love.
but i know i don't get anything back.
money was the next thing.
but i don't mind not getting it back.
what is money compared to love?

i'm sorry i caused problems.
i'm sorry, faisal.
i'm sorry, andrea.
shouldn't have poked my nose into other people's business.

Saturday, October 15, 2005

always be

breaked fast with lynn today.
at secret recipe at plaza singapura.
how much i miss her.

kept saying the magic word.
can't help it.
i turn left, turn right.
look up, look down.
look around.
the magic word just appear and escape from my mouth

everything happens for a reason i guess.
retribution, i must say.

Friday, October 14, 2005

underneath it all

madam yante asked me whether i was sick just now while i was waiting for my cookies.
it has left me wondering.

fareehah decided to not go to school today.
and being the kind soul that i am.
i took for her biology notes and malay homework.
nahhh. sincere ah far.
from the heart of my bottom.

okay. crapness.
i'm numb.

Thursday, October 13, 2005


every time i think of you
i get a shot right through into a bolt of blue
it's no problem of mine, but it's a problem i find
living a life that i can't leave behind

there's no sense in telling me
the wisdom of a fool won't set you free
but that's the way that it goes and it's what nobody knows
and every day my confusion grows

every time i see you falling
i get down on my knees and pray
i'm waiting for that final moment
you say the words that i can't say

i feel fine and i feel good
i feel like i never should
whenever i get this way, i just don't know what to say
why can't we be ourselves like we were yesterday

i'm not sure what this could mean
i don't think you're what you seem
i do admit to myself that if i hurt someone else
then i'll never see just what we're meant to be

- Frente : Bizzare Love Triangle


i know i'm a monster.
i don't mind if you hate me.
i know one day you will.
and the day has come.
i'm slowly realizing that i shouldn't have depended on you too much.
i know i have to be on my own.

i'll be here. even though i know you hate me.

Wednesday, October 12, 2005


i realize that everything was MY fault.


i seriously am going outta my mind.
you can jolly well ask fareehah how i was like the whole day.

i had to tell you something that night.
i know i've been a bitch, a jerk.
i know what i've been doing to you.
i know you're angry at me bout that comment on BOYS.

i have insecurities, faisal.
i have troubles with myself.
i know i trouble you every night with my stupid questions.
cause i'm insecure.
i don't wanna lose even though i know i did.
both of us are egoistical and stubborn.
both of us know, there's nothing left for us anymore.
i wish i could be your bestfriend again.
i wish i could stand up for you when people talk bad about you.
i wanna throw away that feeling of being "more than friends"
i still habour those feelings.
i still have hopes even though i know it is impossible.
i knew everything was fine.
but, inside me i wasn't.
i wasn't fine at all. i still had pain in me.
too much, that i dunno what else to do.
i used to have you when i'm in pain.
i used to have you when i cry every night.
i used to have you when i whine about every little thing in this world.
i used to have you for everything.
that's why you were my bestfriend.
because you were there when i was sad, happy, when i need cheering up, when i cried.

i am sorry for everything i've done to you.
though the pain cannot be erase.
though i might not be forgiven.
though i know it's impossible to be your bestfriend again.


life has been a routine since.. hmm. since god knows how long ago.
my head is in a mess. and i've got less than a month to the big O's.
and everything has to happen now.

it's just between you and me now.
but you asked me to open up to someone else.
and it's not that easy being nurhafiza hatwadi.

i seriously have no idea what to do anymore.
and i guess you've found a new good friend to replace me.

Saturday, October 08, 2005


when i love you, i wanna hate you.
when i hate you, i wanna love you.

when i miss you, i don't wanna miss you.
when i don't wanna miss you, i'll miss you.

when you talk to me, i don't wanna talk to you.
when you don't wanna talk to me, i wanna talk to you.

when you're nice to me, i rather you be mean.
when you're mean to me, i rather you be nice.

when you accidentally call me bee, i hate it.
when you accidentally call me bee, i love it.

when i think i wanna quit loving you, i guess there's still hope.
when i guess there's still hope, i wanna quit loving you.

when i look at our pictures, i wanna cry.
when i look at our pictures, i smile.

when i recall last sunday's incident, i cry.
when i recall last sunday's incident, i smile.

when you're there, i don't want you.
when i want you, you're not there.

when i listen to hoobastank - the reason, i cry.
when i listen to hoobastank - the reason, i go numb.

when i am strong, i'm weak.
when i am weak, i'm strong.

when i listen to kelly clarkson, i see you.
when i don't listen to kelly clarkson, i still see you.

Friday, October 07, 2005


now, i seriously know why i had such a hard time thinking whether i should try out CI for first 3months.
and now i know what made me decide to try it out.

both have its common factor.
that common fact i lost.

the glass is no longer half-empty.
it's totally empty.
drink, drank, drunk.

try again

just can't seem to get my afternoon naps.
i lie down.
put my pilow over my head.
but, i just can't seem to close my eyes.
i stare into the empty wall or the cupboard doors.
everything just come swarming into my head.
and when i had enough.
i shrug and walk out the room.

life is just simply half EMPTY right now.

love me when i'm gone

i guess i have decided to go for the 3months course.
i dunno what made me decide.
just did.

sometimes i feel am fake.
what i feel inside, is what you don't see outside.
just am thankful that i can be very patient sometimes.
unless otherwise provoked or unsatisfied with something.

got a new pair of spectacles.
gotta get used to it.
i guess i miss the old me.
and i wonder, how the NEW me is like.

life's just in a mess right now.
but will pull through.
will be fine.

happy fasting everyone. (:

Thursday, October 06, 2005


still have not decided whether i should go for 3months at MI.

today was. draggy?
i dunno.
am not too sure.
me, fareehah, hafizah and raudiyah took 3 periods to finish 3 questions.
mathematics, i must say.
well, to me.
slow but steady.
at least i learn something instead of just rushing through the whole thing and not learn anything.

yada yada.
stayed in humanities room after chemistry, thinking there will be humanities remedial.
suddenly names just pops out.
this and that.
and just like that. nama-nama 25 nabi dan rasul just came out.
and we're like thinking what're their english names.
till jafar, hadi, joshua and jian yu joined the conversation.
jafar was a great help. NEVER underestimate him.
haha. i feel bad tricking him and all.

suddenly, somebody said no humanities remedial.
then everybody starts rushing out.
bla bla bla.
walk out of school.
went ntuc. and here i am home.

did my zuhur prayers.
and yup.
having a headache.
still haven't collect my spectacles.
most probably tomorrow.

Wednesday, October 05, 2005


skipped school today.
got to know from miss sharifah al-edrus, 7 people from the class didn't come.
even hafizah didn't come.
at least i know i wasn't alone.

i had all the reasons for skipping school.
physically, mentally and emotionally.

funn, you know.
i was sleeping last night.
nursing a fever.
i felt a sharp pain, somewhat like something piercing me at the area where my heart is.
maybe, it was trying to show.
it's really tired, or hurt.

i'm feeling spiritual.
trying to be a good muslim.
i promise i won't skip any of my prayers.
what more in the holy month of ramadhan.

Tuesday, October 04, 2005

the moon

went kayaking at macritchie today!
and i lost my favourite pair of funky spectacles in the reservoir.
anyone happens to have a very funky looking pair of spectacles coming out from your tap, please tell me.
i love those!
arms are aching. legs are cramping.
headache thanks to this old pair of spectacles i'm wearing.

have loads of work to be done.
which are due tomorrow.
so yeah.
skipped terawih today.
cause mummy knows i'm tired. and lots of work to do.
maybe, tomorrow or thursday will be going.

ramadhan starts tomorrow.
better remember to niat ah all of you.
anyway, selamat berpuasa!

damn! i'm eligible to go to a centralised institute according to prelim marks.
woon teng is going.
should i try out for the first 3 months?

Sunday, October 02, 2005

the missing

faisal loves to poke my eyes with his fingers.
now, my eyes hurt. stinging.


joking only la.
no fight, fight okay?
am still being stubborn.
better find shoes that you like.

A Fairytale

a princess passes her prince one torn side of a dried leaves.
she kisses him on the cheek, and said "I see you tomorrow."
bla bla bla bla........................

which princess asked her prince to run after her, but actually stop to wait for him?
she must be mad.

Saturday, October 01, 2005

miles and miles

i'm bored.

give ----, get ----.

fill in the blanks yourself.